Strong vs. Skinny

This has been, and will continue to be, a struggle for me while trying to get stronger. Never, ever in my life have I wanted to look like the chick on the right, but I have always wanted to have the abs of the woman on the left. She is amazing and I am jealous. I understand that while lifting semi-heavy things on a regular basis, my met-con ability will diminish. I understand that I am not supposed to be killing metcons right now so that I can move heavier things. I understand that I would rather be strong than skinny. I understand that being more lean requires a lot more dedication to the food I put in my body. BUT I want to be effortlessly skinny. I want to be able to put on any outfit (workout or otherwise) and know my body looks good. I want to be able to walk around the pool/lake/beach in my swimsuit and not think other people are laughing at my muffin top. 

I don't know how to flip that switch. I get that there is a difference between wanting something and working your ass off (literally) for it. I just don't know what I need to do to convince myself to work for it. I start 30 days of Paleo and then break on day 13 because I want ice cream or my mom is making a very nonPaleo dinner or I don't feel like cooking for the 13th day in a row. I workout for a few weeks and then I need a week or 2 of being lazy. I start to feel confident after a few good days of lifting, then bottom out because I can't get a new snatch PR.

I am not necessarily trying to flip the switch to strive to be more like anyone else; rather, I am trying to flip the switch to be confident in my own skin, to be proud of the work I've done to get MY body. I'm never going to have Stacie Tovar legs or Jenny LaBaw arms. My legs and arms will do just fine and will still be able to move big weights...once I get stronger.

The current strength cycle that was tailored to me is hard. Squats come up often and are heavy. I only get to do power cleans (my fave) once every 2 weeks. Luckily, I'm doing this cycle with another woman who has way more responsibility at home (3 kids) and she is going through the same craziness I am. She is struggling with different issues, but they are all under the same umbrella; she is worried about getting "bulky." I am very thankful that I have her on my team so I can chat/rant/babble with her about the stressors/failures/successes.

Like I said, this will continue to be a struggle for me. If I put my mind to it, I can get more lean. However, that's not my goal right now. I don't really want to put on extra weight either, but I will if it means I can get a body weight clean and jerk or a strict HSPU. :)

7/5
Squat : 3x5 @ 145
Press: 5x3 @ 70

7/6
A) 5 min AMRAP: 1 DL (155), 1 HSPU, 2 DL, 2 HSPU... - 10 reps. (FIRST EVER WOD WITH HSPU!!)
B) 7 rds: 30 DU, 15 WallBalls (14#, 10' target) - 14:41


7/7
Squat: 3x5 @150
Bench: 3x5 @80


7/9 - hurt my back doing something wonky
Squat: 3x5 @155
Press: 5x3 @75
Deadlift: 1x5 @180

7/10,12 - back recovery days

7/11
Bench: 3x5 @85
Tried to squat, but my back wasn't having it.